Though it can be bewilderingly awkward, dating is good for you.
Like, will-shape-the-rest-of-your-life good for you.
Relationship psychologist Peter Pearson tells Tech Insider that single people should "date as much as they can manage or tolerate."
Because compatibility is something you can only find out about firsthand.
"I don't think you can go to a mountaintop and reflect on what you're seeking and wait for the great gods of romance to send you clarity in a bolt of lightning," says the cofounder of the Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California.
A lot of what you're looking for in dating depend on your frame of reference.
If you're not interested in committing to someone, Pearson says, compatibility might be as simple as reasonably good chemistry in the match, a partner with a nice sense of humor, that you can have fun with, or someone that shares your amount of interest in sex.
But when you start seeking out a mate, that taste begins to evolve.
So long as you go and figure out what actually works with you.
"We get clear by going out with different people," he says. "You realize you really like this, you don't like this, and x is a deal breaker. That’s good because it generates clarity — you get clarity through experience."
But, Pearson says, a lot of people overlook something when they're figuring out what kind of person they'd like to be with: what kind of person they'd have to be to attract that partner and make a relationship work.
When you think about it that way, instead of looking for someone who can take care of all your needs, you're seeking someone you can be on a team with.
"If I go out as a single person and say this is what I want my partner to be and look like, I am looking at it like I’m consuming something, not giving something," he says. "If I think about what’s required of me, it’s mutuality."
And mutuality, studies have shown, is the path to lasting, healthy relationships.
