In the new book "All the Single Ladies," writer Rebecca Traister chronicles the history of American singlehood and interviews over 100 unmarried women from a range of socioeconomic backgrounds.
Her goal: exploring how social progress connects to changing marriage patterns, and what that means for American single women today.
In addition to companionship, "marriage has been a useful institution for determining power, gender roles, and who does what," Traister tells Tech Insider.
Today, more Americans are choosing to hold off on marriage or forgo it altogether: For the first time in history, the marriage rate dropped below 50% in 2009, she writes in her book.
Marriage is now just one of many paths women can take. The modern phenomena of delaying marriage has also transformed marriage itself, Traister says.
Single women, rather than men, play a special role in these changes, because it's now normal to be a thriving single lady. (For the most part, men have always had the choice to live independently, she says.)
Here are a few ways marriage for heterosexual couples is changing, according to Traister.
Women hold a higher standard for male partners.
"As more people live independently, marriage means something else for women," Traister says.
Women are no longer dependent on marriage (and men) for economic stability, children, or social support. They can now have all of these things without ever tying the knot. If and when women do marry, they have a higher bar for their male partners, Traister says.
"It's harder to find a human who is going to make your life better — both economically and emotionally," she says.
Men are becoming more domestically capable.
Most men have always had the freedom to live independent lives, but if they were married, household duties would often fall to women, Traister says.
Over time, women’s changing responsibilities have also changed men's outlook on their own responsibilities, Traister says. The book points to sociologist Kathleen Gerson’s research, which says that 80% of women and 70% of men "desire egalitarian marriages in which wage earning, domestic duties, and childcare are divided equally."
It's no longer assumed that women will take care of these things.
"If and when men parent, there's a better chance they can hang pictures, cook pasta, vacuum the floors," she says. "And I don't treat that lightly."
Relationships are more equitable.
Sharing laundry responsibilities may seem like a small change, but Traister says an equitable household can translate to a more equitable marriage and society.
Women are living independently outside of marriage as equals, she says.
"Men and women are now colleagues, or friends going out for a beer — They share music tastes, talk about politics, and have sex without five decades of legal matrimony," Traister says. "We are living in the world as peers."
