- Samantha Salem, a 37-year-old single mom, bought a big house to raise her three kids in.
- Salem's friend, also a single mother, moved in with her three kids, which created a "mommune."
- Salem said coliving is ideal: The moms help each other out, and the kids entertain each other.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Samantha Salem, a 37-year-old real-estate agent in Lee Summit, Missouri, a suburb of Kansas City. She is a single mother with three kids who formed a "mommune" with her friend and colleague Jess Rodenburg, also a single mother with three kids. The conversation has been edited for length and clarity.
I have three kids, ages 9, 15, and 16.
The parenting structure with my ex changed, and the kids would stay with me full-time. I needed more space and got an incredible deal on a four-bedroom house for $275,000. I bought the house — which definitely needed work — three years ago, in February 2020.
I started thinking about house-hacking when I realized how much space there was. I thought if I made the basement livable for someone else to rent, I could get some extra cash flow while still living here.
I spent $22,000 finishing the basement, turned the wet bar into a full kitchen, and turned the half bathroom into a full bathroom with a tub. The bedroom down there was already huge — almost the size of two bedrooms.
It was easy to make into separate living quarters. It's a walk-out basement with its own door, so it's easy for anybody to stay there and have private access.
I started listing it on Airbnb in July 2021, which was great. I made $10,000 in two months until my HOA decided they didn't want that. They sent me a letter and made me shut it down.
So now I had this empty, very beautiful, furnished one-bedroom apartment. At first, family and friends would stay down there when they came into town.
My friend Jess moved in temporarily at first — now we have our own little 'cult'
Jess has been my friend for a very long time, and she works with me.
We originally met through a community group for Lee Summit, a Kansas City, Missouri suburb. I live in Lee Summit because it's a good place to raise a family. We have the highest-rated school districts on the Missouri side in the Kansas City metro. It's very calm, and only 20 minutes from downtown.
Jess opened a coffee shop and supported me as my real-estate career grew.
Now, she's my real-estate team's social-media manager and creative director. She's a single mom, too, also with three kids, ages 7, 9, and 11.
She was in a situation where her lease was up, she needed to move, and she was traveling for the summer. She moved in temporarily at first.
We just clicked. Both of us were like, "Wait, I really like this setup." It was working really well; the kids entertained each other, and it was nice to have another adult in the home.
We are more productive when we're together in terms of business, and our kids are more entertained when they're together. Plus, we homeschool all of them, so it's easier to lump all of them in one place.
Jess says she's a lunch lady now because she has so many plates of food to make at once. We have our own little cult.
Jess pays $1,000 a month towards my monthly payment of $3,500, which includes the mortgage, utilities, and HOA fees. It seemed like a fair split since I have about 70% of the house.
Her options in the same price range in this area were not nearly as good. Most comparable spots would be closer to $2,000 a month.
It wasn't a hard discussion — it made sense to both of us.
It's not for everyone, but coliving has been a lifesaver for us
Single-mom life is not easy. It seems like the best way through it is to unify. Having another person in the home and relying on somebody else if you need things is so nice.
It's been so much less stress having them here. We text each other if we need help with anything. Last week, she needed someone to pick up a cake for her son's birthday, and I sent out my oldest daughter.
We can watch the kids for each other if an appointment or work stuff comes up. The kids rely on both of us and we rely on each other.
The kids go up and down whenever they want, but we really haven't had problems respecting each other's space. We have a really nice big backyard that looks over a soccer field and a playground, so the kids are always in the back. There's a lot of room for everybody.
The hardest part is honestly the laundry. We have so much of it with so many kids in the house. There are also our cats. The kids get along well, but the cats don't. I have four cats upstairs and she has two cats downstairs.
The most important piece is communication — understanding healthy boundaries for each other and knowing deep down if you are a person who knows how to share because sharing is a big part of this, too.
It is not for everybody. But with Jess, our brains are intertwined. We finish each other's sentences. It's a soul-sister connection.
