Last week I spoke with Peter Pearson, a relationship psychologist and the cofounder of the Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California.
It's his job to talk with the distressed husbands and wives about what's going on in their relationships.
So it makes sense that he has some insight for people seeking the right relationship, too.
Namely, this gem of wisdom.
"I think it's for people to date as much as they can manage or tolerate, because that experience helps you get clearer on what you're attracted to and what you're not attracted to," he said.
That one sentence totally reframes the single experience for me.
With this perspective, dating is a way of doing first-hand research on what you're actually looking for in a partner.
(Turns out that it might be more than just being totally hot).
And like a good researcher, you should be trying to find as much data as possible.
So all those awkward Tinder first dates, all the sputtering attempts at trying to start a conversation at a bar, the painful breakups, the unforgivably millennial act of "ghosting" on somebody — you can think of all that as your research methodology for understanding what you're looking for in a partner, and how you yourself function (or dysfunction) in a relationship.
Takes a lot of the pressure off.
