- I met my partner on a dating app.
- He's 33 years older than me, but we connected the second we met.
- At first, my family didn't approve of our relationship, but they now see why we work so well.
In 2018, I was an eager 20-year-old college student lost in uncertainty. I didn't know where my life was heading, and I certainly didn't think I would soon meet my soul mate, twin flame, or cosmic lover (it seems like our nomenclature is always changing). But that's exactly what happened when I met Howard that beautiful summer.
Our paths first crossed at the beginning of June. We had matched on a few dating apps, and Howard messaged me first. I answered briefly but was hesitant to open up too much or meet in person. I was on dating apps only to make friends and didn't want to dive into anything serious. I was still reeling from the emotional turmoil of being ghosted by someone I had trusted. I was guarding my heart and not ready to open up again.
I decided to give it a shot with him
A few weeks after our first exchange, I joined a dating app for chubbier men. And, like on the others, I saw Howard. By this time, I was in a better place, and when he reached out again, I decided to keep talking to him because he seemed genuine and respectful. We learned more about one another, and I felt a spark between us.
Then he invited me to dinner, and I hesitated because he was 33 years older than me. I had never been on a proper date before or kissed anyone. I'd always been ghosted or mistreated, or I put walls up before things got to that point. But I yearned to explore a romantic connection and knew that to have one, I needed to take that first step.
He didn't live far from me, and we met for dinner at BJ's. That night changed everything. There was a familiarity about him I couldn't explain, and it immediately felt like we understood one another.
We decided we wanted to continue seeing each other and went on dates frequently; we often found ourselves easily talking for upward of nine hours at a time, though it felt like no time had passed.
My family didn't approve of our relationship at first
At first, I didn't want to tell my family because I thought they wouldn't understand our relationship. I was the younger sibling, and my parents and older sister were overprotective. It was challenging, but I decided to tell them the truth after we'd dated for three months. To continually lie to my family was something I never did, and it was starting to wear on me.
At first, they didn't want me to see him. Because of our age difference, they were convinced he was taking advantage of me.
While parents have a right to their opinions, I knew our connection was real and didn't want to end our relationship. After all, I was an adult and could make my own decisions. However, this was one of the most difficult times in my life, and I felt disconnected from my family — especially my mother, who had always been my best friend and closest confidant.
Though I was still talking to my family, the conversations felt stilted. I didn't know how to move forward, but Howard was there for me at every step, providing unwavering support. I don't know where I would be today without him.
When I was still seeing him about four months later — though my family still disapproved — they understood my decision, and things got easier between us.
When they got to know him, they saw why I loved him
I wanted my family to meet him, but they needed more time. While they understood my decision, it was another step to accept it and see us together. But I was patient, and two years later, in July 2020, my family took the remarkable step of getting to know him better.
My sister is the one who recommended we all get together. She knew that since we'd been together for two years, it was serious and the right thing would be for my family to meet him.
They saw how our relationship worked and how much he cared for me. They embraced him with open arms, and my mother loved and bonded with him until she died in January 2021. I'm grateful my mother accepted our relationship.
We have a lot of differences, but we also have a lot of things in common
I'm a multiracial member of Gen Z from lower-middle-class suburbia in California, while he's a Black baby boomer from an impoverished area of West Virginia.
Our social identities couldn't be further apart. Even though he doesn't understand some of the cultural references I make from growing up in the 2000s, and I don't understand what it was like to grow up working on a farm as a teenager in the '70s, we still learn to understand each other. When we disagree, we always discuss it and try to see where the other person is coming from.
He may not share the same passion for the cultural phenomena of my generation, such as "Kingdom Hearts" or "Harry Potter," but he takes the time to learn about the things I'm interested in. We accept one another unconditionally and cherish each other for our unique qualities.
We don't shy away from our differences, and we constantly discover more similarities and things we share, like our love for angel numbers, soundscapes, and cooking adventurous dishes. Our deep, shared understanding and willingness to embrace our individuality strengthen our bond.
We don't always feel accepted by others, but we love each other
Our relationship falls into the category of an "intergenerational relationship." We are 33 years apart; many don't understand how this dynamic works. As a same-sex, interracial couple, we face even more layers of scrutiny. We can't be affectionate in public because we always draw attention we don't want. We have felt comfortable holding hands in only a few spaces. Unfortunately, we have to accept this.
Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor's relationship and Stephen Fry and Elliott Spencer's marriage are some of the only relationships I've seen in the media that resemble ours. We would like to see more representation, and the world needs to accept what love like ours looks like to allow people to be comfortable being open about their connections in public.
Despite the many challenges and barriers, we're stronger than ever. I can't imagine a life without Howard. Some days are more demanding, like in any relationship, but we met for a reason, and every day is a new adventure.
