- When I was a single mom, I was proud to provide for my son.
- We formed a close bond and learned a lot about each other.
- I love my husband and his stepfather, but I do wish I'd enjoyed those days more while living them.
Until my son was seven, I was a single mom. I co-parented with his dad, finished my degree, worked full-time, bought a house, and generally took care of us independently. As a teacher, I once had a student say they had "mad respect" for me when they found out that I was a single mom, and that's because the majority of people realize that being a single mom isn't easy.
I don't know how I found the time to date, but I was committed to finding "the one," someone who would be a great partner and stepfather. But now that I have that and I've been remarried for a couple of years, I actually miss my life as a single mom.
I was proud to provide for my son
It's difficult enough to cover all the expenses of life on one income these days, but it's even more difficult when you have a young dependent and have to factor childcare into your budget. Childcare isn't cheap.
There was an unexpected upside to being the sole head of the household, though. While making sure we had everything we needed on my teaching salary was tough, I experienced an enormous sense of pride from working hard and finding ways to stretch our budget.
I always had the final say
With being the sole provider also came being the sole decision-maker. While I always kept my son in mind, ultimately, I was the one who made the final decision on things like our home's decor, what was for dinner, and how we spent our free time.
Instead of consulting another adult, I only had to ask my son if spaghetti sounded good for dinner, or if he wanted to go to the beach this weekend. While we sometimes had our disagreements, at the end of the day, the choice was always mine.
My son and I formed a tight bond
When it was just my son and me, everything that we did together became our thing. We formed countless inside jokes and the ability to communicate through facial expressions alone. We developed day-to-day rituals such as dance breaks after dinner and vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles every night for dessert. These things will always remain ours because they only feel the same when it's just the two of us.
From living without anyone else for so long, my son and I really got to know each other. We understand each other's preferences, can sense how we are feeling about something with ease, and are able to give one another sound advice. Now, my son can tell my husband whether I'll like a gift he's thinking of for me, and I trust my son's opinion about my outfit over anyone else's. In many ways, we know each other best.
I actually had a lot of alone time
As a single parent, I actually had a lot of alone time. When my son went to sleep, I had time to either unwind or tackle a few quick things from my to-do list. When he went with his father every other weekend, I ran errands and completed chores. This time without my son actually allowed me to focus on him when I did have him, which is a privilege that I realize not every parent has.
If I could go back to my single mom days, I would appreciate the time more. I had so much on my plate at the time that I didn't realize how much I really had it made. For what my son and I both gained in my new marriage, we also lost a lot of one-on-one time with each other. But the perk to having been just the two of us for so long is that we will always have the strong bond we built during that time, no matter who comes into our picture. For that, I wouldn't trade having been a single mom for anything.
