12 simple ways to become a kinder person

We could all be a little more kind.

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If you don't know where to start, you're in luck. Designers Jessica Walsh and Timothy Goodman just created a 12-step program for overcoming selfishness and promoting kindness.

"There is too much apathy all around, and the world needs kindness, empathy and love now more than ever," Walsh tells Tech Insider. 

Walsh and Goodman were the ones behind the 40 Days of Dating experiment, in which the two friends dated each other for 40 days and blogged the experience. Although their romance failed to blossom, the two stayed friends and turned their story into a book and an upcoming movie.

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Jessica Walsh/Timothy Goodman

In their new project, "12 Kinds of Kindness," Walsh and Goodman lay out 12 strategies for paying it forward and engaging in acts of selfless kindness. On their Tumblr, they will document their experiences and invite others to try the steps out for themselves. They just finished all 12 steps, and will periodically post their reflections over 2016.

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"From AA to gambling to food to work, there are over 200 self-help organizations in the US that employ a 12-step principle for recovery," Goodman says. "The value is in the process, so why not try it on our own selfishness?"

Here are the kindness strategies they swear by.

All GIFs by Jessica Walsh and Timothy Goodman.

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Ask others if they need help.

The first step to becoming a kinder human is doing what you can to help others, big or small. Even if you can't help at that moment, listening to others' plights can do just as much good. It will help you realize that everyone is fighting their own battles.

What Walsh and Goodman did: They gathered a survey of what New Yorkers were struggling with by asking them one simple question: "Can I help you?"

 

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Open your eyes.

It's easy to be apathetic as a bystander, especially in a large city. The more people there are around you, the less likely you are to help someone in need. Walsh and Goodman say it's important look for opportunities to reach out others.

What Walsh and Goodman did: They wanted to test if bystander apathy was real. As an experiment, they hung missing person signs with their own faces on them and sat next to them all day. 

After no one approached her, Walsh says she understood more about what it feels like to not be seen. The next day, she gave a homeless family a $100 bill to show empathy toward them.

 

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Move past generalizations.

It's easy to make rash generalizations about others, but Goodman and Walsh say it's kinder to imagine what others' lives are like.

What Walsh and Goodman did: They switched jobs for a day with the people who annoy them the most — telemarketers and street solicitors. Goodman says it made him more compassionate toward them.

"It can’t be easy, no matter how long someone has gotten used to weathering the rejection storm," he wrote.

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Forgive yourself.

To be kind to others, you also need to be kind to yourself, Walsh and Goodman say.

If you forgive yourself for your mistakes and show yourself a little love, it can help you be more empathetic.

"The personal stuff we explored — such as facing childhood disorders, mental illness, and broken family ties — were some of the most profound experiences we’ve ever been through," Goodman says.

How to start: Don't look back. Open up about painful experiences to people you trust, and make practical goals for the future.

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Forgive others.

Everyone knows someone who hurt them in the past, and it can be tough to forgive them, Walsh and Goodman say.

But letting go of negative feelings can help heal relationships and even your health. Research has shown that people who practice forgiveness may live longer.

How to start: Instead of holding a grudge, confront the person you're upset with and let them know how their actions made you feel. Then, work toward a resolution together.

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Face your own insecurities.

Everyone struggles with their own fears and insecurities. It's easy to hide behind these and even bully or judge others.

One way to be kind is to face these personal insecurities head-on, Walsh and Goodman say.

How to start: Practice shine theory — a concept coined by journalist Ann Friedman. When other people succeed, don't give in to the tendency to put them down or compete with them. Build them up, and befriend people who intimidate you.

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Love your enemies.

The ultimate act of compassion is to learn to love your enemies. Even if you absolutely loathe someone, be kind by taking the high road, Walsh and Goodman say.

How to start: Get to know someone you don't understand. Ask them thoughtful questions, and really listen. Then, do something nice for them.

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Take a walk in someone else's shoes.

If we don't understand why someone lives their life the way they do, the natural tendency is to judge them. Instead, we should try to get outside our own realm of experience, Walsh and Goodman say.

How to start: Try a lifestyle choice you usually don't identify with for a day.

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Let people know you appreciate them.

 

Often, we treat the people we are closest to the worst. It's easy to neglect those who love us and take them granted. Be mindful of showing these people that you care about them, Walsh and Goodman say.

How to start: Call your mother. Pick up groceries for your grandpa. Pick a special person in your life and do something nice for them without them asking first.

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Pay it forward.

Small acts of kindness can go a long way, Walsh and Goodman say. When you do something selfless, they believe it has the power to create a ripple effect of kindness.

How to start: Buy a cup of coffee for a stranger. Then, ask them to pass on that kindness.

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Smile more.

Smiling has the power to bring moments of happiness to others.

Science backs this up. Humans have an instinct to copy the facial expressions of others. So basically, smiling can actually be contagious and bring joy to others.

It also has physical benefits, like increased amounts of dopamine released into the brain. Genuine laughter increases breathing, while lowering blood pressure and heart rate too.

How to start: This one is pretty self-explanatory. If you feel happy, show it to others.

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Reflect on your journey to be more kind.

For the last step, Walsh and Goodman want people to share their experiences with promoting kindness.

"We're going to dive deep into what we've learned and try to do something larger than ourselves," they wrote.

How to start: At the end of 2016, visit their site and start a dialogue.

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In the meantime, check out a preview of Walsh and Goodman's experiments with practicing kindness so far:

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