6 amazing things that happen to couples in long relationships

Chances are, everything feels a little different when you've been in the same relationship for a long time. And it turns out that scientists have some evidence to back that up.

Advertisement

The research is a little difficult to pin down. Like Tolstoy, scientists have spent more time studying unhappy relationships than happy ones, which means that there's less out there than you might expect.

love heart padlock france
View of padlocks, placed there by lovers, on the Pont de l'Archeveche bridge near Notre Dame on the Seine river in Paris September 13, 2010. Couples hang padlocks on the bridge and throw the keys into the Seine.
Charles Platiau/Reuters

Plus, everyone — including scientists — defines a long-term relationship differently. Researchers think about couples in many ways: married, cohabiting, together 20 years, together 50 years, madly in love. That means that some of the findings included here may apply to only one particular subset of people in "long-term" relationships.

But here are a few of the most intriguing observations scientists have made:

Advertisement

1. You begin to think that other romantic prospects are less attractive.

awkward video dating
Found Footage Festival

Don't remember meeting any attractive singles lately? It turns out that a quirk of your brain may be making you less likely to cheat by toning down the looks of other possible partners.

That's the conclusion of a collection of studies looking at how people in relationships — and particularly in happy relationships — see other people.

Advertisement

2. Your struggles become your partner's struggles.

rain umbrella struggle
A man struggles with his umbrella on a cold, rainy and windy day in Madrid, Spain, Friday, Feb. 12, 2016. More rain is expected over the weekend.
Paul White/AP

That's not just because they have to listen to all of your complaints about your terrible boss.

It turns out that if one partner becomes more depressed over the course of a relationship, then the other is likely to follow, according to one study that tracked marriages for almost 15 years. The researchers found a similar connection when one partner had trouble completing daily tasks.

One possible explanation that the researchers have suggested is that when one partner becomes more sedentary and more of a homebody, then the other follows.

Advertisement

3. Some weird physical traits may sync up.

obama fist clench bump couple
US Democratic presidential candidate Senator Barack Obama (D-IL) bumps fists with his wife Michelle (L) before his speech at his South Dakota and Montana presidential primary election night rally in St. Paul, Minnesota, June 3, 2008.
Eric Miller/Reuters

It's not just your mind that's affected by a long-term relationship — your body can change, too.

One recent unpublished study of people who had been together for a half century found that partners have similar results on three physical fronts: kidney function, cholesterol, and grip strength.

That's an eclectic collection to be sure, and most partnerships won't last 50 years. We'll also have to wait and see if the preliminary results hold up.

But the findings suggest that, for some conditions, if one partner starts to see health problems, then the other should be checked as well.

Advertisement

4. Your partner is almost as good as medicine.

wall of pills
An art handler places drugs for the art installation 'In this terrible moment we are victims clinging helplessly to an environment that refuses to acknowledge the soul' by British artist Damien Hirst in the new Brandhorst modern art museum in Munich, May 6, 2009. The museum showing modern and contemporary art of the collection of Udo and Anette Brandhorst opens on May 21 for the public.
Alexandra Beier/Reuters

Feel better when your partner's around? It may not be all in your head.

One large study of older married adults found that people with optimistic partners tended to be healthier, although they aren't sure which characteristic might cause the other.

And a few studies have shown that people experience less pain from the same trigger when their partner is in the room than when they're alone.

Advertisement

5. Your sleep is tied to your relationship's health.

sleep bed couple
Chinese artist Zhou Jie (L) and her boyfriend Lian Xi hug each other to sleep on an unfinished iron wire bed, one of her sculpture works, after midnight at Beijing Art Now Gallery, in Beijing August 20, 2014. Zhou started her art project titled "36 Days" on August 9, in which she would live inside an exhibition hall with an unfinished iron wire bed, some iron wire sculptures in the shape of stuffed animal dolls, a certain amount of food and her mobile phone for 36 days. According to Zhou, the entire process is open to visitors and she may also interact with them.
Jason Lee /Reuters

Perhaps unsurprisingly, sharing a bed with someone means that that person can affect your sleep and vice versa.

Scientists are still working on figuring out exactly how, but they have a few early results.

Men and women took longer to fall asleep when their partners were anxious. One very small study found evidence that men who didn't sleep as well were grumpier with their partners the next day.

And a third team has discovered that happily-married women tend to sleep better than those in unhappy relationships.

Advertisement

6. No one else knows what the heck you're talking about.

brad pitt angelina jolie whisper gossip
Cast member Angelina Jolie and actor Brad Pitt attend the premiere of the movie "Salt" at the Grauman's Chinese theatre in Hollywood, California July 19, 2010. The movie opens in the U.S. on July 23.
Mario Anzuoni/Reuters

He calls you Bake. You call her Spaghetti Head. You make secret hand gestures at each other from across the room. You've nicknamed people Pizza King or Mr. Finch so you can gossip with no one the wiser.

These are all drawn from a study of couples in the Midwest in the 1980s, but chances are that you and your partner have a similar lingo today. Many couples have something like a secret language, and no one else has a clue what's going on.

Relationships Psychology Sex
Advertisement
Close icon Two crossed lines that form an 'X'. It indicates a way to close an interaction, or dismiss a notification.