The five stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
The internet seemingly went through all five after the Funeral Selfies Tumblr went viral. The page consists of Instagram and Twitter selfies taken at funerals and wakes, where friends and family say goodbye to loved ones.
People were horrified at the idea of selfies tagged #gorgeous and #hipster taken at such solemn, serious places, with people claiming they're disrespectful and narcissistic. A Huffington Post headline on the topic read: "Funeral Selfies Are The Latest Evidence Apocalypse Can’t Come Soon Enough".
But funeral selfies are becoming more and more accepted as a cultural trend, especially among young people. The Telegraph reported that as many as 1/3 of mourners in the UK responded to a survey saying they've snapped a selfie at a funeral. In the US, Huffington Post reports that 1/5 of millenials approve of selfies taken during funerals.
Are funeral selfies disrespectful? Or is it just part of the grieving process in a world where nearly every other aspect of our lives is posted online?
Tech Insider spoke with Dr. Mark Taubert, a palliative care doctor specializing in grief and social media. Palliative care focuses on end-of-life therapy for the terminally ill, helping them manage their symptoms and the emotional strain of end-of-life care.
Dr. Taubert received widespread coverage after his thank-you letter to David Bowie went viral and was shared by Bowie's son, Duncan Jones. As Dr. Taubert tells us, social media has become an increasingly large part of the grieving process.
"Perhaps our awkwardness and fear about death images is gradually shifting, because of social media, and maybe that is a very important societal process," Dr. Taubert told us via e-mail.
Dr. Taubert is the clinical lead of the palliative care team at Velindre Cancer Center in the UK. Many of his patients have incurable illnesses and he as his team are concerned primarily with comfort and quality of life instead of a cure. As he tells us, people in palliative care rely on social media.
"We have had people ask to be photographed by their family members during their last days of life and requests to show and upload pictures of their dead body," he said. "Videos are also not uncommon. It’s a personal decision that [palliative care physicians] have to be increasingly mindful of in our digital age."
Dr. Taubert thinks that talking about death on Facebook, though unsettling, may actually ease the grieving process.
"Maybe that helped demystify it," he explains, "and I do think we need to see more normal deaths and that this can sometimes take the fear of the unknown away a bit. Many people are most afraid of the dying process itself, so describing this or seeing it (many people are asleep in the last hours and days of life) can take some of that fear away."
But funeral selfies divert attention away from the deceased back onto the person themselves.
" ... Funerals should be about the life of the person who has died," he said. "Focus on that, not the photo or the selfie, or the digital update."
But sharing Facebook updates, Dr. Taubert says, is a more positive example of the relationship between death and social media.
"‘She died peacefully in her sleep with her sons holding her hand,’ is a rather beautiful example of a comment, the sort of message that can bring great comfort to those who were not there when it all happened," he explained. "These words, updates and posts mirror the natural processes and reactions we all go through when we lose someone we love, and our human need for self-expression and sharing."
If a medical professional is in favor, should we rework the five stages of grief to: #denial, #anger, #bargaining, #depression, and #acceptance? Not yet. But oversharing on Facebook has revealed that, as time passes, we need to rethink our own relationships with grief and death. We might be taking it too seriously.
"I’ve met many a patient who has told his family, friends or even medical team to lighten up a bit," says Dr. Taubert.
